The learning process

Dear teacher and parent, this may give you some insight into how our kids are learning:

Birth order and personality

Research has shown that the order into which a child is born into a family, has a definite impact on his/her personality.  Parents also tend to approach e.g. their first born differently than e.g. their second born.  Thus: birth order + parenting = behavior.  

This might help you understand your child/children a little better:

The firstborn:

As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:

*  reliable
*  conscientious
*  structured
*  cautious
*  controlling
*  achievers

Middle child:

In general, middle children tend to possess the following characteristics:

*  people-pleasers
*  somewhat rebellious
*  thrives on friendships
*  has a large social circle
*  peacemaker

Last born:

The baby of the family tends to be:

*  fun-loving
*  uncomplicated
*  manipulative
*  outgoing
*  attention-seeker
*  self-centered

Only children:

Being the only child is a unique position in a family.  The only child tends to be something like a "super-firstborn".  Only children tend to be:

*  mature for their age
*  perfectionists
*  conscientious
*  diligent
*  leaders

Exceptions to traditional birth order structure:

Blended families:  As a result of divorce, remarriage, and the melding of stepchildren, a child's birth order may "change".  E.g. a firstborn may now find himself to be the second born due to an older stepbrother or stepsister.  Despite the new position in a blended family hierarchy, the child will not tailor his existing personality to his new position unless he is still in infancy.

Twins:  Twins is a unit that operates independently of birth order.  Most likely a twin will act like a firstborn or a baby, regardless of the twin's birth order in the family.

Gap children:  If you have a gap of at least five years in between births, another family begins in the birth order structure.  This gap child will adopt the traits of a firstborn.

Adoption:  The age at which the child is adopted is a key factor in which traits the child is most likely to exhibit.  The younger the child is at adoption, the more time he will spend under the adoptive parent's care and adopt his position in the existing family tree.  For example, if a firstborn 1-year old child is adopted into a family with a 4-year old child, the adopted child will likely fall into the role of the baby, despite the fat that he is biologically a firstborn child. 

How can children cope when mum or dad lose their jobs?

Research has shown that, with the current economic situation and recessions, over 3 million children will enter poverty.  In the case of a parental job loss, children are well aware of the fact that something tragic has happened to the family, but they don't have the coping skills to deal with it.  Additionally, parental conflict may increase which negatively impacts family tension and the family's sense of well-being and security.

Some behaviors that can signal that economic stress has filtered down to children in the family may include:

*  Irritability and negative statements about life
*  Generally anxious questions about the future, about the safety of the family
*  Increased fighting and arguing with siblings and adults
*  Frequent physical complaints/calls from the child's teacher
*  Spontaneous offers to help the family with finances
*  The appearance of tics, nervous habits, or nervous behaviors
*  Isolation

Some strategies that may help address insecurities with children are:

*  Give them a frame of reference (perspective) of what is happening with them.  Describe this as a historical event occurring in the country, as well as the family's history.  Talk about how grandparents got through tough times.  

*  Make sure that "signs of life" continue in the family, and that survival does not take center stage at all times.  Laughing, playing and doing things together that celebrate being in the family are powerful weapons in fighting back fear.

*  Take care of your own signs of stress.  Use some of the stress-fighting techniques mentioned in this blog.

*  Have a family meeting to come up with a list of resources, ideas, and family strengths.  Don't brush away children's offers of help, because they are looking for a sense of purpose and direction just like the parents in the family.

*  Take away some of the unknown by describing what might change in the family's routine, schedules, or activities.  Give them some time frame so they can know what to expect.  Stress that some of these changes may be temporary and some may be permanent, but be clear that the changes will help the family stay on track through this problem.

How to help your child with a learning disability become a successful adult (Part 2)

Here are three more attributes of successful adults with learning disabilities:

4.  Goal-setting
Successful individuals set goals that are specific, yet flexible so that they can be changed to adjust to specific circumstances and situations.

Ask yourself:  My child.....
*  Sets academic goals
*  Sets non-academic goals
*  Can prioritize goals
*  Knows when a goal is realistic
*  Develops plans/steps for reaching goals
*  Understands the relationship between short and long-term goals
*  Finds alternative ways to reach goals when faced with obstacles
*  Understands the need to work with others to reach goals

5.  Presence and use of effective support systems
Both successful and unsuccessful individuals with learning disabilities receive some form of support and assistance from others over the course of their lives.  Guidance, support, and encouragement come from family members, friends, mentors, teachers, therapists, and co-workers.  However, as successful individuals move into adulthood, they attempt to reduce their dependence on others.  

Ask yourself:  My child.......
*  Knows when he/she needs help
*  Knows how to get help
*  Seeks help when needed
*  Is willing to use technological supports
*  Is aware of laws to help persons with learning disabilities
*  Understand the benefits of using support systems
*  Develop strategies for finding, accessing, utilizing, and maintaining support systems
*  Recognize "triggers" indicating that help is needed
*  Learn to accept help, give help, and develop trust in others
*  Understand laws that mandate support/assistance for persons with disabilities
*  Model how to ask for help in daily family interactions
*  Share stories (tell, read, see movies) about individuals who needed help from others, how they got it, and the benefits of receiving it

6.  Emotional coping strategies
Successful individuals appear to have developed effective means of reducing and coping with stress, frustration, and the emotional aspect of their learning disabilities.  They:
-  are aware of situations that trigger stress
-  recognize the development of stress
-  have access to and uses coping strategies

Ask yourself:  My child......
*  Is aware of how his/her emotional reactions affect behavior
*  Is aware of situations that cause stress, frustration and emotional upset
*  Has developed strategies for avoiding or reducing stress
*  Is able to recognize the onset of stress
*  Knows when outside support/help is needed

How to help your child with a learning disability become a successful adult (Part 1)

Dear Parent, according to a 20-year study done with children with learning disabilities, the following attributes contributed to them becoming successful adults:

1.  Self-awareness
Successful people with learning disabilities are aware of the types of problems they have, including academic problems like reading and math, academic-related problems such as attentional or organizational difficulties, and non-academic difficulties such as motor deficits or emotional/behavioral problems.  They recognize their talents along with accepting their limitations. 

Ask yourself:  My child.....
*  Is aware of his/her academic strengths
*  Is aware of his/her academic weaknesses
*  Is aware of his/her non-academic strengths
*  Is aware of his/her non-academic weaknessess
*  Is aware of his/her special talents and abilities
*  Is aware of his/her feelings, opinions, and values
*  Is able to match activities to strengths
*  Understands his/her specific learning disability
*  Accepts his/her learning disability
*  Uses strategies to work around the learning disability

2.  Pro-activity
Successful adults with learning disabilities are generally actively engaged in the world around them.  They participate in community activities and take an active role in their families, neighborhoods and friendship groups.

Ask yourself:  My child......
*  Participates in classroom and extra-curricular social activities
*  Makes decisions and acts upon those decisions
*  Understands the advantages/disadvantages of making certain decisions
*  Recognizes when a decision needs to be made
*  Knows how to evaluate decisions
*  Takes responsibility for his/her actions
*  Feels he/she has control over his/her world
*  Is assertive and stands up for him/herself
*  Is self-confident

3.  Perseverance

Many persons with learning disabilities show great perseverance and keep pursuing their chosen path despite difficulties.  However, successful individuals demonstrate and additional important ability - knowing when to quit.  Although they rarely give up on a general goal, depending on the situation, they may change the way they go about achieving it, thereby improving their chances for success.

Ask yourself:  My child.....

*  Understands the benefits of perseverance

*  Keeps working at academic tasks despite difficulties

*  Keeps working at non-academic tasks despite difficulties

*  Knows how to deal with obstacles/setbacks

*  Knows how to adjust to change

*  Knows when to quit

To be continued.......... :-) 

Four tips to boost a child's self esteem

Here are four of the most important things a parent or a teacher can do to build a child's self-esteem:

1.  Praise:  Find something the child is excelling at and remind them what a great job they do.  This will encourage them to do more things and try new experiences.  Few things compare to the feeling a parent or a teacher who are proud of you.

2.  Be affectionate:  Just a simple hug can go a long way......

3.  Spend one-on-one time:  Go for coffee, a milkshake, a movie, shopping etc. alone with your child.  Your child will feel valued, knowing you make an effort to spend time with him/her.

4.  Be aware:  Be aware of signs of problems with self-esteem.  This will include changes in behavior, lack of interest, and/or isolation.  

Tips for different learning styles

On 30 September, I posted three main learning styles of kids:

Parent, have you identified which type of learner your child is?  Remember your child can also be a combination of two types. 

Here are some tips for each learning style:

1.  Visual learner:

*  Use books, videos, computers, visual aids, and flashcards when learning.

*  Make detailed color-coded or highlighted notes.

*  Make outlines, diagrams and lists.


*  Use drawings and illustrations (preferably in color).

*  Take detailed notes in class.

2.  Auditory learner:

*  Read notes or study materials out loud.

*  Use word associations and verbal repetition to memorize.

*  Study with other students and talk things through.

*  Listen to books on tape or other audio recordings.

*  Use a tape recorder to listen to lectures again later.

3.  Kinesthetic learners:

*  Get hands on, do experiments and take field trips.

*  Use activity-based tools, like role-playing or model building.

*  Study in small groups and take frequent breaks.

*  Use memory games and flash cards.

*  Study with music on in the background.

*  Sit on an exercise ball while studying.