The stages of grief

Understanding the stages of grief may help you understand your colleague or a child in your class who lost a loved one's behavior better.  Let's have a look at the stages of grief:

Natural depression treatments

Depression is a reality and can affect young and old.  How do I help my child if I detect depression?  Here are a few natural depression treatments:

1.  Get in a routine:  A daily schedule can help to keep your child on track and feel more safe.

2.  Set goals:  What can your child look forward to?  A family holiday at the end of the year?  Dinner and a movie after a tough test?  Goals an rewards are a wonderful way to keep your child motivated and on track.

3.  Exercise:  Apart from the feel-good chemicals (endorphins) released during exercise, it is also one of the best ways of coping with day to day stresses.  Exercise done in groups will also aid a child's social connections.

4.  Eat healthy:  A healthy diet is crucial in helping your child's body cope with day to day challenges.  There's also evidence that foods with omega-3 fatty acids (such as salmon and tuna) and folic acid (such as spinach and avocado) cold help ease depression.

5.  Get enough sleep:  Let your child go to bed and get up at the same time every day.  Take all the distractions out of the bedroom - no computer or TV.

6.  Try something new:  A new hobby or activity is a great way to get out of the rut of depression.  Go to a museum, take swimming lessons, read interesting books etc.

Challenges our Gr. 4 - 7 kids are facing

Dear Parent and Teacher,

Here is some insight on the most common challenges our intermediate phase children are facing:

1.  Self-esteem:
Children tend to compare themselves to their peers at this age, and he/she may decide that she just doesn't measure up to others who he/she believes are smarter, prettier and more popular.  Help children to focus on their talents and to find activities which they enjoy.

2.  Academic Pressure:
The jump from foundation phase to intermediate phase are quite big for most kids.  Resist the temptation to push a child to the point that he/she can't enjoy the intermediate school experience, because he/she are so concerned about success or failure.  They still have a lot of growing up to do.  Save the college/university talk for high school.

3.  Drama: 
Bullying and other antisocial behaviors tend to peak in the intermediate phase. Be on the look out for mean children, enemies and bullies, and arm children with ideas on how to deal with them, who to turn to for help, and how to move on.

4.  Temptation:
Having frequent conversations on what's right and wrong, what's dangerous and why, and what you expect and hope for the child, is a good way to start in helping children resist the temptations of smoking, drinking, drugs and other dangerous behaviors.

The learning process

Dear teacher and parent, this may give you some insight into how our kids are learning:

Birth order and personality

Research has shown that the order into which a child is born into a family, has a definite impact on his/her personality.  Parents also tend to approach e.g. their first born differently than e.g. their second born.  Thus: birth order + parenting = behavior.  

This might help you understand your child/children a little better:

The firstborn:

As the leader of the pack, firstborns often tend to be:

*  reliable
*  conscientious
*  structured
*  cautious
*  controlling
*  achievers

Middle child:

In general, middle children tend to possess the following characteristics:

*  people-pleasers
*  somewhat rebellious
*  thrives on friendships
*  has a large social circle
*  peacemaker

Last born:

The baby of the family tends to be:

*  fun-loving
*  uncomplicated
*  manipulative
*  outgoing
*  attention-seeker
*  self-centered

Only children:

Being the only child is a unique position in a family.  The only child tends to be something like a "super-firstborn".  Only children tend to be:

*  mature for their age
*  perfectionists
*  conscientious
*  diligent
*  leaders

Exceptions to traditional birth order structure:

Blended families:  As a result of divorce, remarriage, and the melding of stepchildren, a child's birth order may "change".  E.g. a firstborn may now find himself to be the second born due to an older stepbrother or stepsister.  Despite the new position in a blended family hierarchy, the child will not tailor his existing personality to his new position unless he is still in infancy.

Twins:  Twins is a unit that operates independently of birth order.  Most likely a twin will act like a firstborn or a baby, regardless of the twin's birth order in the family.

Gap children:  If you have a gap of at least five years in between births, another family begins in the birth order structure.  This gap child will adopt the traits of a firstborn.

Adoption:  The age at which the child is adopted is a key factor in which traits the child is most likely to exhibit.  The younger the child is at adoption, the more time he will spend under the adoptive parent's care and adopt his position in the existing family tree.  For example, if a firstborn 1-year old child is adopted into a family with a 4-year old child, the adopted child will likely fall into the role of the baby, despite the fat that he is biologically a firstborn child. 

How can children cope when mum or dad lose their jobs?

Research has shown that, with the current economic situation and recessions, over 3 million children will enter poverty.  In the case of a parental job loss, children are well aware of the fact that something tragic has happened to the family, but they don't have the coping skills to deal with it.  Additionally, parental conflict may increase which negatively impacts family tension and the family's sense of well-being and security.

Some behaviors that can signal that economic stress has filtered down to children in the family may include:

*  Irritability and negative statements about life
*  Generally anxious questions about the future, about the safety of the family
*  Increased fighting and arguing with siblings and adults
*  Frequent physical complaints/calls from the child's teacher
*  Spontaneous offers to help the family with finances
*  The appearance of tics, nervous habits, or nervous behaviors
*  Isolation

Some strategies that may help address insecurities with children are:

*  Give them a frame of reference (perspective) of what is happening with them.  Describe this as a historical event occurring in the country, as well as the family's history.  Talk about how grandparents got through tough times.  

*  Make sure that "signs of life" continue in the family, and that survival does not take center stage at all times.  Laughing, playing and doing things together that celebrate being in the family are powerful weapons in fighting back fear.

*  Take care of your own signs of stress.  Use some of the stress-fighting techniques mentioned in this blog.

*  Have a family meeting to come up with a list of resources, ideas, and family strengths.  Don't brush away children's offers of help, because they are looking for a sense of purpose and direction just like the parents in the family.

*  Take away some of the unknown by describing what might change in the family's routine, schedules, or activities.  Give them some time frame so they can know what to expect.  Stress that some of these changes may be temporary and some may be permanent, but be clear that the changes will help the family stay on track through this problem.

How to help your child with a learning disability become a successful adult (Part 2)

Here are three more attributes of successful adults with learning disabilities:

4.  Goal-setting
Successful individuals set goals that are specific, yet flexible so that they can be changed to adjust to specific circumstances and situations.

Ask yourself:  My child.....
*  Sets academic goals
*  Sets non-academic goals
*  Can prioritize goals
*  Knows when a goal is realistic
*  Develops plans/steps for reaching goals
*  Understands the relationship between short and long-term goals
*  Finds alternative ways to reach goals when faced with obstacles
*  Understands the need to work with others to reach goals

5.  Presence and use of effective support systems
Both successful and unsuccessful individuals with learning disabilities receive some form of support and assistance from others over the course of their lives.  Guidance, support, and encouragement come from family members, friends, mentors, teachers, therapists, and co-workers.  However, as successful individuals move into adulthood, they attempt to reduce their dependence on others.  

Ask yourself:  My child.......
*  Knows when he/she needs help
*  Knows how to get help
*  Seeks help when needed
*  Is willing to use technological supports
*  Is aware of laws to help persons with learning disabilities
*  Understand the benefits of using support systems
*  Develop strategies for finding, accessing, utilizing, and maintaining support systems
*  Recognize "triggers" indicating that help is needed
*  Learn to accept help, give help, and develop trust in others
*  Understand laws that mandate support/assistance for persons with disabilities
*  Model how to ask for help in daily family interactions
*  Share stories (tell, read, see movies) about individuals who needed help from others, how they got it, and the benefits of receiving it

6.  Emotional coping strategies
Successful individuals appear to have developed effective means of reducing and coping with stress, frustration, and the emotional aspect of their learning disabilities.  They:
-  are aware of situations that trigger stress
-  recognize the development of stress
-  have access to and uses coping strategies

Ask yourself:  My child......
*  Is aware of how his/her emotional reactions affect behavior
*  Is aware of situations that cause stress, frustration and emotional upset
*  Has developed strategies for avoiding or reducing stress
*  Is able to recognize the onset of stress
*  Knows when outside support/help is needed